Poem 1

I can push the extra mile
For myself to put up that smile
But I don't really like that style
Cause inside, the pain still compile

I don't have the chance to see you every day
But when I do, I find myself staying away
Cause I just can't find the words to say
Not even a single "hey"

I know it's too late for me to regret
Despite the fact that I didn't forget
Every single moment when you and I met
As the day is about to end, and it's now sunset

Clueless on how to express how I feel
I choose to let it conceal
Shutting my mouth like a seal
Slowly hoping for time to let it heal

Even if I don't get a proper gain
Even if my eyes can't stop to rain
And even if this poem is the only thing I obtain
If you're the reason, there's nothing unworth my pain

New Year's Resolutions

What a tiring day. Having 6 consecutive hours of RedBox session with only 3 persons was certainly energy-draining. Phew~. This is probably not a good time to start a blog entry after a long break but what the hell? Let’s do this!

It’s been almost a month since 2013 came. I would love my first entry of the year to be my New Year’s Resolutions.

1. Revive and Continue Blogging Habit.

As you can see, this isn’t the first time I’ve taken a long break after starting to blog. The main reason why I want to continue this blogging habit is because I believe it’s a good way to make myself change to stop caring so much about what other people think about me and bring out more of myself. Also, having achieving half of my first new year’s resolution certainly brings about the mood to continue striving for other resolutions. The ball has started rolling!

2. Start Making Song Covers.

Procrastination has been my profession for quite some time now. This is definitely the main reason why I still haven’t started posting any song covers. It’s time for a change. My aim is to post at least 12 song covers this year. The number “12” is seriously too small but I’m actually secretly planning for more.

3. Start Writing Songs.

I used to write poems for this blog and I believe this can somehow help me in writing songs. Also I find myself constantly love to write sentences and “shape” them to give out a certain feel that I want. Analysing feelings and asking reasons for things we do in our daily life, of which people normally don’t do, are also my interests. These are signs from God telling me, “you are destined to be a song-writer” and as a person who believes in God, I shall follow the signs. I’m almost done with my 1^st piece and I plan to achieve at least 6 songs this year.

4. Socialise More.

I was satisfied with my social life but not anymore. Even though I constantly hang out with friends, I’m aware I do not talk much. I was probably too afraid to be myself and being too self-conscious. A friend recently told me, “the trick is don’t think and just talk”. It is true. To come to think of it, when you’re with friends, why the hell should you think? It is not like its work related anyway. It’s all about being yourself and have fun. Of course, you got to know when you need to think before you talk but most of the time, you don’t!

5. To Be Able to Speak in Mandarin Chinese.

It has been more than 4 years since I came to University. Many of my friends, similar to me, started off not knowing how to speak in the language. The difference is that now, they can already speak fluently in it. Let the snake of 2013 be the year I get this monkey off my back!

6. Achieve The Goals I Set.

Many times in life, I have failed to achieve the goals I set for myself. Be it overconfident of my own capabilities or too much of procrastinating, I’ll make sure I overcome them to achieve these 6 goals I’ve set for this year.

Finally, I made it. Thanks for reading.

I

Timeless Bond

After so long of not touching blogging or poetic life, i was requested by Khoo Kah Yoong to write a short poem about "timeless bond" for this photo. Here is how it sounds like:

You were always there when things get bitter
And transform them into something better
I am glad God granted me a father
Who'll be there for me now and forever

Moments after calculus exam

2 more papers left ahead,
but i can't get some non-calculus regrets outta my head,
when i should be studying like mad instead.

12 hours remaining till the next battle,
and i find myself in a struggle,
to fight my negativity and get it settled,
but i'm confident it's something i can handle.

17 more subtopics according to tips,
not to forget some introductions to get into my fingertips,
before around 7am when my alarm beeps.
Hopefully for my sake, time will slowly...slowly... creep.

8pm shows the clock and i'm currently lying on my bed,
not studying but composing this poem instead,
I'm definitely going to be dead,
if i don't start feeding EC(Electronic Circuit) into my head.

The Power of Acceptance

It crossed my mind a few days ago as i was fully controlled by my tense to even study a thing for my last few papers. My mind was totally frozen for the moment to go on and for a second, i felt like letting go of everything but i know i couldn't. That was the last thing on earth i would have done.

Then at that moment i recalled back some sites telling about the power of acceptance to help reduce stress. What is acceptance and what does it got to do with reducing stress?Imagine a situation like this(this is based on a true story):

I'm a student in one of a local universities in Malaysia. I have a maths lecturer whom i would say need a serious attention on this. Whenever you approach him after lecture, no matter what question you ask him, his reply will be "go search from the library, you'll surely be able to find the answers"(18 syllables) rather than "sorry but i don't know how to answer you"(11 syllables) or "sorry but i'm feeling lazy to answer your question"(14 syllables). It's sad to see him not being able to count properly as a PhD holder in maths but well, that's not the point anyway. The point is as a matter of fact every single thing he teaches come from books. Might as well no need to give lectures and we all rely on books ONLY? With the power of acceptance he'll be able to accept that he's a lazy bum and find better excuses than stated above.

Usually it's not an easy task to accept that others are better than us in certain things. And this is one of the main keys to contributing stress besides thinking too much. I myself couldn't believe that i actually was affected by this. Upon doing that the urge to not do any mistakes greatly reduces and our performance in the real thing greatly increases instead.

Now that i've done with what i wanted to blog for this session i wonder should i change my title from "The Power of Acceptance" to "The pathetic maths lecturer"?

exam! exam!

early in the morning, yet again,
one whole day, and nothing did i gain,
moody to study, couldn't explain,
hope all my hard work, won't be in vain.

i know it's definitely not my fate,
instead it's just me that make things look late,
it is like a few more steps to checkmate,
and then i offer for a draw instead.

clueless on where exactly is my mood,
feels as if i've given it up for good,
though others might end up saying "touch wood",
but i doubt i'll survive even with food.

supposed i've been aiming too much for fame,
if this continues all i'll get is shame,
so if i really wana make my name,
right now i will have to begin the game.

almost six in the morning,
and i don't feel like sleeping,
don't know what am i writing,
don't know what am i doing.

no idea where on earth is my confidence,
the key i'm without to get my diligence,
combining these two with my intelligence,
i know i'll surely strive with excellence.

studying without determination,
i'm sure during the examination,
i'll be looking up for inspiration,
and then looking down in desperation,
but never sideways for information.

The night before the exam fever started, i wished most of my UM friends all the best in their exams in a copyrighted way:

“You’ve studied diligently without rest,
So just go in, give it your best,
& let God do the rest,
I’m sure you’ll be your best.

The “/-\”s will be in your result slipt so i couldn’t use then in this sms.”

Though it’s copyrighted, i certainly can’t stop anyone from plagiarising it. Therefore, copying it shall be fine with me. Just blogging it to share my masterpiece at the same time preserving it for my future use and of course memories.

early in the morning

can't believe my mind's in such a horrible mess,
all thanks to titas which made my life in distress,
as it has contributed a great deal of stress,
to my weakened mind which is dying more or less.

watching pokemon isn't making me wana sleep,
though the rate of increase of sleepiness is so steep,
guess the depth of laziness in me is indeed deep,
chatting with Chia and Kah Yoong still makes the time creep.

some time before a crapper named Toh Guo Shen,
came to my room for some crappy discussion,
Pikakhim did show his determination,
by fighting back without procrastination.

but sad to say i lost my concentration,
to fight back with my great imagination,
as i was so in my hallucination,
for i've too much of titas' information,
and sleeping'll wipe off my desperation.

i know i should go and sleep now,
it's 4.21 a.m. now,
but i am finishing this now,
it is the end so goodnight now.

***According to edited-version of TITAS, "sesuatu karya yang hebat hanya dapat dinikmati oleh pakar-pakar". So i'm teaching you now to "nikmati" the poems you have read and really enjoy their beauty. Besides the pronunciation for each line ends the same, the number of syllables for each line are the same too.

P/S: this was written very early in the morning so some meaning might go out of the topic but the other parts of the professionality remain unchanged.

This was supposed to be posted at around 5 a.m. today but because of the lack of the professionality of Pu$@t T3kn0log1 Maklum@t, i couldn't post this at that moment.
Have to wait 12 hours before i can upload it now

For my roommate, Khoo Kah Khim, the Gundam fanatic

what a good job you have done,
for someone like you who have just began,
writing poems trying to make me stun,
despite knowing you can ONLY beat me in the long-run,
here i am playing along to make things fun.

sitting on the so-called couch in our dorm,
trying to compete with ressurector.blogspot.com,
i must say i'm impressed with your first bomb,
after looking at pikakhim.blogspot.com.

nothing better to do

was around midnight when you ate a burger
before you watch conan without feeling suffer
as you didnt even feel your hunger
on the 1st morning of November

early in the morning (4.24a.m.) of 1st Nov 2008
written for Adeline Chia as i had nothing better to do at this hour

exam...haihzz

Everyday sleeping early in the a.m.,
and waking up early in the p.m.,
all because of the final exam,
at the end of this 1st sem.

A small reunion

More than a year has passed since i last updated this blog. Who gives a damn anyway. Well briefly, in this one year, many things has happened. My STPM has passed and many things will only last as memories such as friends in 6RB&6AB(they're all the same friends) although i'll keep in touch with some of them. Today, on 25th May 2008, i went out for a small reunion at Prontip restaurant, i thai buffet restaurant with Warren Tan Teong Luong, Warren Lee Xian Liang, Sivasankaraan a/l Jaganathan, Yew Wei Lie, Oo Hong Kiat and Ong Lin Thuan. 7 of us gathered there after a long time we reunited. After that, we headed to gurney plaza after i dropped Warren Lee at IDP for him to settle something. At gurney, we made a shocking decision to watch 2 movies in one shot. Since it was a wednesday(a movie day), each ticket only cost 6 bux. Both Indiana Jones and Drillbit Taylor were nice movies and it can be said that it was worth the RM12 we spent on movies. Well, that was briefly everything we did for the small reunion.

~~What A Day~~

tired!tired!tired!.Never felt so sleepy while driving before.Luckily, i managed to reach home in one piece.Today was a day that i finally get myself into the cinema after about a month ago.If it wasn't for kim ling's birthday celebration, i'm not even sure when will going for a movie be even crossing my mind.Life has been too much of stress lately as i need to get my lazy mind and lazy ass moving and start studying, catching up for the upcoming mid year exam but the problem is, my self discipline is too low that my progress is so slow - no improvement even after a month of so-called intensive has been applied to myself.Well today was also a day that i got myself rid of any studyings right after the 12 noon bell in school rang(yeah! it's a friday).My life in gurney started with a movie "wild hogs".Overall, the movie is nice but kind of "gayish"(just too sleepy to talk more about the thing) and i recommend you to watch it, have a great laugh and one more thing, not recommended for people who are weak hearted and might turn into a gay after watching the movie.After that, we proceeded to northam beach cafe, where i spent 11 bucks just for my dinner - 8.50 for the baked pasta, and 2.50 for half a plate of a hot sizzled noodles which i shared with Wei Lie's father's only child.Then, it was time to go to Naza Beach(again!)..yay!!!The wind was nice.So was the effort we made to light up the candle due to the nice wind.Okok.I'm so tired and sleepy now that i really need to skip a few important parts, get done with this and go to bed.After finishing everything, we felt so thirsty and almost near to becoming dehydrated so Subaidah was lucky to have the almost-whole bunch of us spending on drinks there.I called a teh tarik medium, which was a mistake.The condensed milk was so thick, my stomach was really feeling uneasy and with my sleepiness, i drove back home, reaching home after dropping wei lie and chun leong.Ahhhh!Home sweet home.

My RM4 have wings!it flew away

Before going to the library
I went to the char koay teow aunty
To get myself a bowl of loh mee
Blurringly, i gave to her 5.50
And forgotten the change totally!

You raised me up - Josh groban OR Westlife(modern version)

today, I realised the existence of the song "you raised me up" by josh groban and also westlife(modern version).On monday, 49 Thailand exchange students came to PFS and before they leave, we were supposed to wish them goodbye.As a passive member(and a lazy one) of the Penang Free School choir club, i had to attend the "farewell" ceremony in order for the commitees of the club to realise about my existence in the club.Initially we were supposed to sing four "great" songs - lion sleeps tonight, hear the wind, my way and you raised me up - but the last song i just mentioned was cancelled; all because of the lack of guts of some people where some were too scared to sing as they might not reach the note and also some were too afraid to make the choir club's bad name gets worse.Well the good thing is, i found out that i was capable to sing and reach the notes of the song(YAY!!) besides enjoying it so badly.Indeed, i should be delighted about it but there was something in my mind.Something that stops my smile and joy from appearing.Something which took away all the positive things that are happening to me.And then i realised, i was having a crush on the pianist!I was singing with full of spirits, full of emotions related to the song and my mind was thinking plus peeping at her almost once every minute(that's horribly too much!) while straining my larynx to the max.It's not a crime to be in love with someone but for me, it is!Approximately 7 months ago, i admired a girl and is still going after her.In that period, i had some feelings for a few of my girl friends and i managed to get over them.My old self is still here.The one where i easily fall for someone.The one which i thought had left me completely for good.Now, it's her.I don't want to continue this, but i still cant seem to find a solution to control my mind and stop thinking of the good qualities of the girls whom i keep falling for.Every girl i "crushed" on cant seem to leave my mind easily.I know the girl i liked 7 months ago is meant for me, is the person i love deep inside my heart.I'm going to have tuition about an hour from now(which crossed my mind to skip the thing) and the "you raised me up" is still crazying in my head and sadly to say, so as the pianist!

The Return

Well, just take a took at my previous post!Oh nono...not the contents...but the DATE!..it must have been about 3 months(almost) since i touched back my blog and even a faithful national service trainee would have ended his torturings.Hopefully this time my blog won't have any chance to be missing me anymore.It's just another day where i wasted my day doing absolutely nothing useful for the upcoming test or even a step to finish my homework.All thanks to son of jaganathan who clumSILLY left his attractive smallville DVDs with me, i'm now kinda addicted to the show.In less then 10 minutes, i'll be in front of the screen again but the TV this time instead of my monitor watching wwe curiously wanting to know who will Donald Trump(yea stop rubbing your eyes and think that i've made a mistake coz it's indeed the apprentice guy) choose to save his head from being shaved by vince mcmahon's pathetic hands.